Agony 17/03/2009

Thunk. Tap. Thunk. Tap. Thunk. Tap. It was a rhythm that started early every morning, then continued, unbroken until late at night. Thunk. Tap. Thunk. Tap. Thunk. Tap. To me, it meant pain. It had been going on for years now. And I was starting to accept the fact that the Vampires were never going to accept that I’m never going to give them the information they want.

Never.

I had come to realize that I needed to accept another thing too. – My family was not coming for me. They never had been. From the second I was dragged into the center of the enemy, I was already a lost cause to them. Either that, or they had tried, and failed.

The first option seemed more likely to me. Because if they had done the second option, then they probably wouldn’t still need me to stick around.

Unless of course, you know… They just got some weird kick out of watching hunters suffer.

Gross. Even we don’t go that far. Hunters exist to protect our fellow humans from harm. Not to stretch them over some weird but incredibly effective – believe me. I should know. – machine, and watch while they dip into a world that gives a whole new meaning to the word “agony”.

Thunk. Tap. Huh… I guess my time here has paid off for something. I can almost ignore the pain now, I’m so used to it. It has taken on a sort of numb-like quality. I wonder if I can ignore it enough to go to sleep,

Thunk. Tap. Thunk. Tap. Thunk. Tap. Thun…

Notes...

I wrote this some time ago when I was not in a very happy place. 

"The Da Vinci Code" By Dan Brown

This book has the potential to deeply offend some, highly intrigue others, and simply not interest most of the rest.

Which opinion you'll have is based, I think, very much on your belief in religion(or lack of it). But either way, I can promise you that it is not a book to take lightly. And if you are of the religious kind, I would strongly suggest reading it with and open mind, and the knowledge that when push comes to shove this is a FICTION book, and that Brown never claimed that it was fact. Or you simply won't enjoy it.

The plot itself isn't hard to follow, but it can get a little heavy, for lack of better words. Because of some of the things it deals with. -love, religion- And the fact that it is based around what is to many of us, our own beliefs. Or at least something that we grew up hearing about, and were taught to take for granted.
I will not get into my own beliefs in religion, but I will say that I had to put this book down and walk away for a while half way through, and that I am not one to put books down lightly. - So that's saying something.
It is like the difference between eating a fudge cake, and eating a sponge cake I guess. Both are delicious, but one you have to eat slowly, and the other you can take it in at what ever pace you like.

On a purely technical note however, the story is written well, and I believe is well worth reading.
Brown did tend to drag on a bit with his descriptions, but then may a great authors do.

So, yeah.

I enjoyed it, and so did my acupuncturist.

Saaski.

"The Song of the Lioness" Quartet, by Tamora Pierce

For those of you who don't already know of her, and because this is the first time I'm posting about any of her books, I think I should tell you a bit about how this author writes first.
The first thing I'll say, is that Tamora writes series among series. Now, what I mean by that is that her series are connected. (Another person who does this is Terry Pratchett.) For example, her main character in this series, -Alanna- is the mother of the main character in her forth series, -Alianne- which is based almost 20 years after Alanna's series. Alanna is in her mid-to-late 30's, and it is Alys' turn to find her place in the world.
And so on and so forth...

As far as I can find, Tamora Pierce has created 2 main worlds in which her story's grow.
I will also note that unlike Pratchett's "Disc worlds", and the alternate worlds that the manga authors of CLAMP creates, Pierce's two worlds are not connected and have nothing to do with each other. They are entirely separate.

The best way I can describe Tamora's writing, I think, lies in telling you how I myself was first introduced to the books.
I had just finished reading half of "the Wheel of Time" series by Robert Jordan, and anyone who has read them can tell you just how mind numbing that series can be, even if taken in s slowly. Let alone at the almost inhaling pace I'd been going. So, needing a break but still wanting to read something, I asked my friend if she knew of a series or book that didn't force you to think too much, but at the same time wasn't boring or predictable. She showed me Tamora Pierce, and I fell in love. (Cheesy line yes, but none less true.)
I would not hesitate recommend her books to anyone who doesn't hate Fiction. It is good for all ages. And by that I don't mean that parents won't get bored reading it to their kids. (Though they won't. My mum and I are reading them to my little sister now and are having a great time.) I truly mean it's good for all ages. My mum is 41 and she loves them as much as I do. My sister is 11. My friend, that I mentioned earlier, read them when she was even younger.

And now, I shall talk about what the title of this post says I am talking about.

As far as I can find, this series is the first of all the books that Tamora Pierce has ever sold. It started out as one book, titled The song of the Lioness, and was later split into 4 separate books at the recommendation of her agent. Now, I can't tell you if it is better as 4 different books, because I never read it as 1 book. But I can tell you that I was caught immediately by Alanna and her struggles, as she strives to become a knight while unable to tell anyone that their little guy friend or student Alan is actually Alanna, and not a guy at all.
And I know now, you're probably staring at your screen wanting to yell at me, "Hey! Did you just give the plot away!?"
I promise you no, I didn't. Everything I've said, you find out in the first chapter, and isn't even the beginning of what makes it such a good series.
Hmm.. now I come to the difficult part. How do I tell you what does make it a good series Without doing what just I promised you I wasn't doing. Which is tell you the whole story.
I guess I go back to saying what I did before, in explaining the whole of Tamora's writing. "The Song of the Lioness" Quartet is very good in that it doesn't twist your brain around with convoluted plots, and/or have you wanting to scream at the characters and call them every name under the sky for not seeing what's right. Under. Their noses. But at the same time it is interesting. It can have you chuckling and wanting to cry, or even rolling your eyes at times. Tamora paints her worlds clearly. But she doesn't go on about them either. You can see everything she wants you to see clearly in your minds eye, including which way North, South, East and West are. But you'll never find yourself skipping paragraphs to get to the juicy bits.

It's based in a world that's not our own. Some can use magic, and the Gods speak to their people. Legends happen, and immortals are real. No such thing as electronics. That kind of thing.

Alanna is as stubborn as they come.

No, it's not all innocents and fairy tales.

And that's it I think - all I can tell you of what I thought without giving anything away. I'll do a Spoiler version some other time.

Sincerely, Saaski.

My own personal heaven.

Another flood of light came though the window, though again, it didn't hit us. Leo trembled against my arms in response. We were well hidden behind the single bed that was the only furniture in room that made up the entire structure of the old house that we were in. But that didn't stop the heart-stopping fear that went through us every time it happened.
The light moved away. Nothing happened for a moment, then I heard an irritated sort of grumble from out side, and someone sighed. It had happened before, so it didn't bother me. What did, was that this time someone spoke up."We know you're in there," it was a sleek, smooth, cooing sort of voice, "Games over. You can't hide in there forever."
Oh, that's original. I thought scornfully, wanting to say it out loud, but not quite daring. Because I knew that type of voice, and it was a voice that could never belong to a human. My arms tightened around Leo automatically. He whined softly in response. So softly that even I could barely hear it, though his lips were only inches from my ear.
He was doing so well, and I was so proud of him, for sure that my little brother was the only 7 year old on earth who could sit for so long and remain quiet.

"Elena?" This was a different voice, also alien, but one I knew. Felix! Good. He got bored easily. We might have some hope in them giving up and leaving after all, I thought, ignoring the part of me that wouldn't believe it so simple.
"Be reasonable Elena." He continued. "You know I like you. Just because your parents were stupid and forced us to execute them, doesn't mean that you have be. It's not too late. You are lucky I have such influence. I can promise you, that if you come quietly now, your little brother wont even be whipped."
My hopes were dashed immediately. If Felix was telling the truth in what he was saying, then it meant he wanted me to be his bed-slave. And that either meant that he was willing to get bored now, because I might amuse him later. Or, that he considered this a game, a hunt, and he was enjoying chasing his prey.
Stupid pervert of a half cat Monster! I would never give us in to them!
Besides, I was not fooled by what Felix had said about Leo either. They may not whip him, but that didn't mean he would go unpunished. There were other things they could do to him. Worse things. And if they caught us now, they would separate us. I'd be lucky if I heard that he survived getting to where ever they sent him.
There was no hope in this world for humans anymore. We had long since lost that war. Its was the Cats who ruled. The best us humans could hope for was to go unnoticed. And that didn't happen often. Cats were nothing if not observant.
Our last chance was Metal City. The last surviving human city in existence. But first we had to get there.

There was one other way out of the room we were in, which wasn't the window the Cats were trying to see us through. I was sure they didn't know of it. But even then, leaving this place would mean leaving the safety of the metal that the place was made of. Metal the Cats couldn't touch, and could barely come near.
Still, I was forced to consider the amount of food we had left, the amount of water. Almost none. We couldn't stay where we were.
Leo turned his head to look up into my eyes. I returned his gaze steadily. His emerald orbs were glistening, almost blind with unshed tears. Then he pushed his face into my collarbone so I couldn't see them brim over. My heart ached, and I felt my resolve tighten. Our parents had given their lives to give us a chance to run, a chance to get to the only place the Cats couldn't follow. I would damn well get us there.
I gave Leo a reassuring pat on the back, then set him down. Under the bed, was a stash of highly-illegal-uber-Cat-law chain mail. I took one out in my size, and one in a size for Leo. But before we put them on, I got out the last of our food and made Leo eat. Taking the last two bites for myself.
Then we got ready to run. Either way, the chase would end today.
The chain mail was extremely light, and wouldn't weigh us down. Leo looked kind of cute in his. "Trap door?" He asked me in a hushed voice. I nodded. His little jaw clenched determinedly. I had already explained our alternatives to him. He knew it was the long way, just as he could see it was now the only way.
I bent down and kissed his brow, and breathed to him, "Run, baby. Okay? Run, and don't stop. No matter what happens." He nodded, gulping.
I checked that my gun was easy to reach, picked Leo up onto my hip, and leapt up over the bed to the other side. Grabbed the almost invisible handle to the trap door there, and swung it open. There was a screech from outside, someone yelling "There's another way out!" I paid it no heed as I jumped into the darkness below. We dropped a good 5 feet before we reached the bottom. I released Leo, and he was off. Tall for his age, the boy could run. Keeping up with me just fine as we crawled down stairs, then along a wider passage that was tall enough for me to stand.
The tunnel continued for what felt like forever until we finally reached the exit. We ran on. Not even checking to see if someone saw us. That was unavoidable, and soon I could hear heavy pursuit behind us. I knew where I was going, and we didn't falter.
We kept ahead of them for a good 30 minutes, and by then I could see the gray shine of Metal City's walls ahead of us. But I could also hear them gaining on us. I took Leo's hand in mine so we couldn't be separated, simultaneously pushing my legs faster. He kept up.
45 minutes and we were almost surrounded. I could see them closing in from all sides. Cursing, I shot at a few of them to keep them at bay. The metal bullets tore through them like fire through paper. They slowed, but did not stop.
50. I grunted, going faster still. Leo was finally having trouble keeping up. I gripped his upper arm, taking most of his weight and lessening the chances he would fall. Pulling him forward. We were so close.
60. We were about a hundred meters from the big bar gates of Metal City. I saw the very human guard see me. He grinned, and gave orders to some unseen people to open the gates enough to let us in.
Suddenly, the Cats all bunched their legs and sprang at us. We were surrounded. 50 or so of the disgusting things. Their yellow eyes glinting, pointed ears pricked to attention, and long tails swinging behind them irritatedly, proud as any banner.
They held long wooden spears with stone points. Made to cut through our mail without them needing to get near it.
"Fuck!" I spat the word. In no mood to watch my tongue.
I lifted my gun, jerking my head at the guard. As he jumped clear, I let rip at the wall standing 2 meters into the gates for just this purpose. I was not the first to use this strategy, and the cats in front of me screamed. If the bullets so much as passed close to them, they hurt. Their flesh becoming puffy and red. They scattered.
"Run!" I shouted it at Leo, but he was already moving. I was on his heals, shooting at any Cats who dared come close.
Then I was falling. My leg pinned to the ground with a well thrown spear. I couldn't move. But I refused to cry out, and Leo didn't pause, making it through the gate. He turned with a wide grin on his face that vanished when he saw I wasn't with him. "No!" He screamed it, about to run back to me. But the guard grabbed him, said to him "You can't." His voice full of sorrow, though he didn't know me.
I was aware of other spears scraping at my armor.

Leo's face was tear streaked, he was sobbing. The guards arm was still wrapped around his waist. Comforting as much as restraining now.
I felt a smile touch my lips. At least he was safe. I mustered up the last of my strength and called to Leo, "Live baby. Live for me."
He screamed. "ELENAAA!!!!" And my world went black.

.....

I woke in a very comfortable bed, and felt my arms tighten unconsciously around Leo. Out the window, I could see the tall metal walls, high and towering over us. We were in Metal City. But how am I here. I didn't know.
Then again, this just might be my own personal heaven.

Memories.

Memories. Pictures in my head,
showing me what has already come, and past.

Memories. The knowledge that I hold inside,
of what has already come, and past.

Memories. Shared secrets, moments, and times,
that have already come, and past.


Memories. The doorway into my future,
that will soon come and pass...

Yesterday.

Yesterday, a sad day.
Yesterday was fun.
Yet yesterday, is yesterday.
A day that's gone goodbye.

Forever more our past is gone.
A history, we write.
But even though, events are gone.
Our memories still haunt.

'Cos yesterday, is yesterday.
The finished chapters in our book.

But all I know,
Is that though chapters go,
They are still there in the book.

So unlike tomorrow,
The bane of yesterday,
Is the truth we can't rewright.

Yesterday, a sad day,
Yesterday was fun.
Tomorrow dose not care.

'Cos yesterday, was yesterday.
The curse for our human minds.

Note. 
I wrote this poem last year. Though I've changed it a bit. I think it sounds better this way.

Love

What is love?

I have heard people speak of it.

I have read of it in books.

But I know that that is not enough,

Not to those who don't already know.

So I'm forced to wonder at the difference,

To wonder what I'm missing out on.

I ask you God;

                      Will I ever know?

Or was I sent into this lifetime,

To learn how to live alone.